I Messed Up

Yesterday was a wonderful day all-be-it BUSY!

We...

1. went to swimming lessons for both kids
2. went to they YMCA where Andrew has "gym" class & I ran a 5K for exercise
3. went grocery shopping - ya gotta eat and we R OUT of food around here
4. ate lunch & finally showered & bathed the both kids (isn't it a terrible feeling when you go out dirty)
5. got down to school business while Lizzy napped - yay for no baby distractions
6. kids exercised to P90X with Mat while I made dinner
7. left to go to a homeschool meeting on the other side of town - It was super boring and long and I was already running on E.
8. got home late and crashed with a bowl of ice cream and a TV program

While Mat was taking the babysitter home (a precious girl from our church in a super fun family), I went to look at my sleeping babies. Andrew was curled up in his new Star Wars the Clone Wars bedsheets looking adorable, innocent, and beautiful. I couldn't resist giving him a thousand kisses - something he doesn't enjoy much now that he's getting older. Lizzy was face down struggling to breathe b/c she is teething bad and has a runny nose - her first cold possibly since moving to Florida passed down lovingly from her big brother. I got her up and gave her some meds.

I went back into Andrew's room and relived an incident that happened throughout the day. I shouldn't even share it b/c it will show my ugly heart, but here goes...

We were doing school, and Andrew was doing GREAT! He was learning how to put words together in this little game I made. I put consonants on a card, and I made another stack of cards with ending sounds like at, am, an, ad, ap. He would then match a consonant to the ending sound and read the word. He was doing SO well, that he wanted to read a million words. He was proud of his accomplishment, but he got so tired at the end (after reading like 100 words all by himself) so his mind wandered. I guess I fussed at him b/c the next thing he said was, "Mommy, I really don't like it when you yell at me." Ugh! I got impatient, and instead of putting the game away, I pushed him too hard eventually and clearly doing what he considered yelling. And then to add to the stupidity, I gave him a hug and called a truce instead of saying sorry. What an idiot am I? Seriously, it was an amazing learning experience for him and an opportunity for me to correct my exasperation and I called a "truce?"

First thing this morning, I apologized to him. I explained how he lovingly told me how my yelling made him feel, and I said that instead of calling a truce I should have said I'm sorry.

I love that little boy with all my heart. I need to remember that pure innocent beautiful face that I saw last night when I get angry. I need to remember that I want to be pure innocent and beautiful in God's eyes. That's how he made me to be, and I want my children to see God's love through me. Huge learning experience, and I'm sure it won't be the last.